What If Death Isn’t Bad?

When someone dies, we don’t truly know what happens. Does the screen go black and we completely stop to exist? Do we go to “heaven”? Is there an afterlife? Do we move on to anther realm? Do we advance to another level? There are many theories, but there are no guarantees, just as there are no guarantees that after we spend 16+ years in schooling that we are going to have a successful career. Or if we work really hard and make good choices that we will be successful. Or that we will find a mate and be happy. Or if we eat healthy, exercise, and wear our seatbelt that we will live a long life. Not even the old saying “the only thing guaranteed is death and taxes,” is true. I know there are some that actually avoid paying taxes… but they won’t avoid death. And that is guaranteed!

In other areas of our life we celebrate the “next phase”. We graduate high school and move on to college… “Congratulations”. We graduate college and get a new job… “Congratulations”. We get promotions at work… “Congratulations”. We end our careers and retire… “Congratulations”.  We get married, we have children, we travel and have new experiences… “Yay, how exciting, congratulations!” 

But when someone dies, moves to the next phase, and makes the ultimate transition we use very depressing words and phrases such as:

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’m praying for your family. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sad to hear that.

I can’t believe it!

How terrible!

That’s just awful.

My deepest condolences.

My heart goes out to you.

And sad face emoji’s galore!

Why have these become the customary words to use? I’ve used them many times myself… but why?!? How fucking depressing! I get that death can be sad for the survivor because we are going to miss our person, but what if our person actually got a “promotion”!?

There have been many accounts of “near death experiences”. I have yet to hear about someone being brought back to life and saying, “That was absolutely terrible and horrifying!”. No! These documented experiences are recorded as, “It was wonderful, beautiful, breathtaking, so amazing there are no words to describe what I saw!” And when I’ve spoken to psychic mediums or read their books, they all say something similar, “the afterlife is astounding, wonderful, etc., etc.”. As a society, we speak often of  heaven and how we will be welcomed by God and our loved ones when we get there.

So then why does dying have to be dark and horrible?

What if… seriously, what if we used these words and phrases instead:

I hope they are enjoying their new experience.

I’m so glad they have reunited with their loved ones.

I look forward to transitioning someday and seeing them again.

I can only imagine the beauty of their encounter.

And I’ll go a step further and use my own son’s name in these phrases:

I hope Dillon is enjoying his new experience.

I’m so glad Dillon reunited with his loved ones.

I look forward to transitioning someday and seeing Dillon again.

I can only imagine the beauty of Dillon’s encounter.

What if death isn’t bad? What if we stopped accepting what we’ve been told and have been conditioned to believe? What if dying is actually as amazing as the people who have had near death experiences describe? Wouldn’t we all be excited to “graduate” to that place one day? “Congratulations!”

I look forward to you sharing your thoughts and feelings. I hope you will continue on this journey with me to normalize the experience of death and dying.

All my love, Mary